Five Steps to Serving Widowed Women

Five Steps to Serving Widowed Women

The population is aging and the ranks of widows, currently consisting of 11.3 million women, will continue to swell.  This devastating transition prompts a high percentage to switch financial advisors or seek one out for the first time. They are aware that hundreds of thousands of advisors can invest their money, but they want more. They look for a competent professional who understands their grief and the challenges of their lives, and that is where they will place their business.

For future success, it is therefore crucial that financial professionals educate themselves so they understand the grief process and are equipped to communicate with and support widows. Use these five easy starting points to improve your service to widowed women:

1. Ask good questions and really listen to her answers.


Too many people tell a grieving widow they know how she feels, or they offer advice on how she should feel.  Distinguish yourself by being willing to invite her story so you find out how she actually does feel.  Ask non-invasive questions like “What do you wish people knew about what you’re going through?” or “What things have people said that were helpful, and what have they said that was unintentionally hurtful to you?” Listen well, and ask further questions based on what she tells you.

2. Every time you talk to the widow, whether on the phone or in person, give her the next time you will call to check in.


Grieving people are often anxious about becoming a burden to others. Calling anyone to ask for assistance takes courage and the willingness to risk rejection, both of which are in short supply. It is incredibly reassuring to know that you will call her instead. When you call, begin by asking what kind of a day it is for her and listen to her experience before going on to ask what questions she has for you.

3. Act in straightforward ways that build her competence.


Widowed women are afraid others will take advantage of them. Take great care not to speak in a condescending tone or to convey the impression she is incapable, deficient, or less than a full partner in the process. Assess her level of knowledge and educate her to the depth she desires. Keep her updated with easy-to-understand bullet points and summaries of your activities together, including the basic rationale behind them. 

4. Consider providing non-financial resource lists.


Use input from clients, friends, and associates to build a non-financial resource-and-referral list. Then if she needs a professional service (anything from car maintenance to a plumber), she doesn’t have to pick someone out of the yellow pages. Remind her that your list is based on input from many people and you are continually refining it, so you look forward to getting her feedback afterwards. When you follow up, thank her for helping you make it easier for others in her situation who need services in the future. 

5. Be patient with her.


Grief is a lengthy and somewhat unpredictable process, especially after such a major loss. Expect ups and downs, with frequent sad periods for months. Many widows describe the second year as even harder than the first, since the reality has fully sunk in and they’ve let go of so much, but they have not yet developed new goals or a meaningful purpose in life. Be among the few people who are willing to listen and support her over the long haul.

These are just a few of the concepts to put into practice so you can serve the ever-growing numbers of widowed women who will cross your path. 

Amy Florian
Life Transitions
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Amy Florian, CEO of Corgenius, combines the best of neuroscience and psychology with a good dose of humor in training professionals to build strong relationships with clients ... Click for full bio

Retirement Planning Has Its Limits: How to Prepare

Retirement Planning Has Its Limits: How to Prepare

Retirement planning is one of the issues that commonly leads clients to consult financial advisers. One of its essential aspects is creating a plan to save and invest in order to provide a comfortable retirement income. Ideally, this starts many years ahead of retirement, even as early as your first paycheck.

As retirement comes closer, planning for it expands to take in a host of other considerations, such as deciding when to retire, where to live, and what kind of lifestyle you hope to have. When retirement becomes a reality, the focus shifts to carrying out the plan.

All of this planning is crucial. Yet, for both financial advisers and clients, it's good to keep in mind that planning has its limits. In the post-retirement years, it may be helpful to think in terms of preparing for old age rather than planning for it.

The older we get, the more important this distinction between planning and preparing becomes. Too many life-changing things can happen without regard to our best-laid plans. Often they occur unexpectedly, resulting in emergency situations where urgent decisions have to be made. A stroke or a fall, a diagnosis of terminal illness, a broken hip that leaves someone unable to go back to independent living—and suddenly, right now, the family needs to find an assisted living facility, arrange for live-in help, or sell a home.

What are some of the ways to prepare for these contingencies?

  • Explore housing options well ahead of time. Find out what assisted living, home care, and nursing home services and facilities are available where you live and whether they have waiting lists. Have family conversations about possibilities like relocating or sharing households.
  • Research the financial side of these options. Investigate the cost of hiring help at home, assisted living facilities, and nursing care centers. Find out what is and is not covered by Medicare and long-term care insurance. For example, people are sometimes surprised to learn that Medicare does not pay for nursing home care other than short-term medical stays.
  • Designate someone to take over decision-making, and do the paperwork. Execute documents like a living will, medical power of attorney, and contingent power of attorney. Update them as necessary, and give copies to your doctors, your financial planner, and appropriate family members.  
  • Start relatively early to downsize. Well before you're ready to let go of possessions or move into smaller housing, start considering what to do with your "stuff." Focus on the decisions rather than the distribution. There's no need to get rid of possessions prematurely, but decide what you want to do with them—and put in writing. Do this while it's still your choice, rather than something your family members do while you're in the hospital or nursing home
  • Do your best to practice flexibility and acceptance. No matter how strongly you want to live in your own home until the end of your life, for example, it may not be possible. The physical limitations of aging can limit our choices, and even the best options available may not be what we would like them to be. It is a profound gift to yourself and your family members to accept these realities with as much grace as you can muster.
     

Finally, please don't underestimate the importance of planning financially for retirement. Because the bottom line is that you can't plan for all the things that might happen as you age, but you can prepare to deal with them. One of the most useful tools to cope with those contingencies is having enough money.

Rick Kahler
Advisor
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Rick Kahler, MSFP, ChFC, CFP is a fee-only financial planner, speaker, educator, author, and columnist.  Rick is a pioneer in integrating financial planning and psycholog ... Click for full bio