Got an Angry Client on the Line? Here's How to Best Deal With Them

Got an Angry Client on the Line? Here's How to Best Deal With Them

It happens all too often these days. You pick up the phone and there is an angry client on the other end. The market has dropped yet again. More money disappeared. Emotions are at the boiling point. How do you handle it? 

Most advisers try to calm clients by “talking them down,” logically explaining the reasons why they should not be angry, or at least not angry at them. In some cases, this seems to work. Yet once clients hang up the phone, they are just as likely to mutter, “Yeah, that's what they all say.” 

You can more effectively address these strong emotions when you realize that your clients are angry because they are grieving. They feel they are losing something very important to them. Their attachment to their money is deep and complex because of what that money represents.

For example, money can represent security, success, self-worth and identity. When money gets taken from them against their will, they are thrown into grief over their many and varied losses, and anger is a normal response to that grief. In addition, people often use anger as a cover emotion for a host of other feelings like fear, and they naturally search for someone to yell at or to blame. 

The trick is to allow clients to yell and vent their emotions to you without becoming the person they blame for the loss. In simplified terms, you need to recognize, name and allow their emotions, taking everything they have to dish out. Then, when their anger is spent, you can more calmly talk with them about how you will handle things together. So how do you do that? 

First, take a deep breath. Keep your voice measured and even. One useful tool is to make yourself smile. When you smile, your voice is automatically more calming, and it is easier to keep your own emotions in check. 

Then, to validate your clients and encourage them to talk it out, you can say things like: 

  1. “I can see that you feel very angry about this, and I can see why. Tell me more.” 
  2. “Yes, it is scary not knowing when the slide will stop. What are you most worried about?” 
  3. “You're absolutely right. We're all vulnerable and at the mercy of the markets right now. Everyone I talk with is upset and anxious. Have you found anyone who isn't?” 
     

Notice how each of these phrases authenticates emotions your client is feeling, and then invites them further into a conversation of partnership rather than conflict. It lets them know you are on their side and you understand. If clients start to blame you anyway, always try to climb back into their boat. Use the word “we” frequently. Keep them focused on the future, rather than the past. Request their input. 

For example: 

  1. “Yes, it is a helpless feeling to see the markets at least temporarily take away some of the fruits of our work together.” 
  2. “We always positioned you in the best way possible to withstand volatility like this. In fact, if we had it to do over again, knowing only what we knew at the time, I think we would have done the same things. What do you think?” 
     

Continue this pattern, always asking questions based on what the client is saying. You will notice the pitch of the voice lowering, longer pauses and slowed breathing as the anger gets spent and the client calms. Only then can you begin talking about what you can do together as you go forward. Ask what steps the client would like to take. Make appropriate suggestions for portfolio review, redistribution of assets, or simply keeping in contact every week or two. 

At the end of the conversation, make sure you thank clients for being honest with you. Tell them your door is always open, and you will listen even when it is hard. Reassure them that although times are really tough right now, you can weather the storm together and come out on the other side. 

If you can master these skills, your clients will come out of even angry conversations feeling heard, supported, and most of all, loyal to you. 

Amy Florian
Life Transitions
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Amy Florian, CEO of Corgenius, combines the best of neuroscience and psychology with a good dose of humor in training professionals to build strong relationships with clients ... Click for full bio

Retirement Planning Has Its Limits: How to Prepare

Retirement Planning Has Its Limits: How to Prepare

Retirement planning is one of the issues that commonly leads clients to consult financial advisers. One of its essential aspects is creating a plan to save and invest in order to provide a comfortable retirement income. Ideally, this starts many years ahead of retirement, even as early as your first paycheck.

As retirement comes closer, planning for it expands to take in a host of other considerations, such as deciding when to retire, where to live, and what kind of lifestyle you hope to have. When retirement becomes a reality, the focus shifts to carrying out the plan.

All of this planning is crucial. Yet, for both financial advisers and clients, it's good to keep in mind that planning has its limits. In the post-retirement years, it may be helpful to think in terms of preparing for old age rather than planning for it.

The older we get, the more important this distinction between planning and preparing becomes. Too many life-changing things can happen without regard to our best-laid plans. Often they occur unexpectedly, resulting in emergency situations where urgent decisions have to be made. A stroke or a fall, a diagnosis of terminal illness, a broken hip that leaves someone unable to go back to independent living—and suddenly, right now, the family needs to find an assisted living facility, arrange for live-in help, or sell a home.

What are some of the ways to prepare for these contingencies?

  • Explore housing options well ahead of time. Find out what assisted living, home care, and nursing home services and facilities are available where you live and whether they have waiting lists. Have family conversations about possibilities like relocating or sharing households.
  • Research the financial side of these options. Investigate the cost of hiring help at home, assisted living facilities, and nursing care centers. Find out what is and is not covered by Medicare and long-term care insurance. For example, people are sometimes surprised to learn that Medicare does not pay for nursing home care other than short-term medical stays.
  • Designate someone to take over decision-making, and do the paperwork. Execute documents like a living will, medical power of attorney, and contingent power of attorney. Update them as necessary, and give copies to your doctors, your financial planner, and appropriate family members.  
  • Start relatively early to downsize. Well before you're ready to let go of possessions or move into smaller housing, start considering what to do with your "stuff." Focus on the decisions rather than the distribution. There's no need to get rid of possessions prematurely, but decide what you want to do with them—and put in writing. Do this while it's still your choice, rather than something your family members do while you're in the hospital or nursing home
  • Do your best to practice flexibility and acceptance. No matter how strongly you want to live in your own home until the end of your life, for example, it may not be possible. The physical limitations of aging can limit our choices, and even the best options available may not be what we would like them to be. It is a profound gift to yourself and your family members to accept these realities with as much grace as you can muster.
     

Finally, please don't underestimate the importance of planning financially for retirement. Because the bottom line is that you can't plan for all the things that might happen as you age, but you can prepare to deal with them. One of the most useful tools to cope with those contingencies is having enough money.

Rick Kahler
Advisor
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Rick Kahler, MSFP, ChFC, CFP is a fee-only financial planner, speaker, educator, author, and columnist.  Rick is a pioneer in integrating financial planning and psycholog ... Click for full bio