How Your Attachment Style Affects Your Relationships

How Your Attachment Style Affects Your Relationships

The way we communicate has a lot to do with our attachment style, which was formed early in our development. This style also plays a critical role in how we approach, interact, respond and react to our partner as we attempt to resolve conflict. This can be a good or a not-so-good thing depending on our individual styles. Understanding your own attachment style will provide a window into your vulnerabilities and strengths within the relationships in your life.

Our model of attachment influences how we get our needs met and the process in which we go about getting our needs met in relationships. Ironically, unless you know your attachment style, people often find partners that confirm our models – meaning if we grew up with an insecure attachment pattern, we will often seek out in an attempt to duplicate similar patterns as adults. We do this even though these relationships are unhealthy and often hurt us.

For example, meet Michael and Susan**


Michael and Susan have been together for 7 years. When they first met, Susan had a dismissive and avoidant style. She recognized that she could - at times - easily detach from others and had a tendency to avoid intimacy. She wanted to change this but knew it would take some significant work and introspection on her part. Her parents were never emotionally available – but available in other ways. Their divorce also had an impact on her life; as a result, she had a tendency to 'check out' in her relationships and appear somewhat complacent. However, that is not how she felt - that was just how she coped. Susan carried this same style through much of her adult life. It wasn't until she met Michael that she realized her relationship pattern and made changes so that she could create a healthier relationship with him. Michael on the other hand, was a secure person and provided the environment and the 'space' to help her grow. He challenged her when something came up and was able to communicate with her in such a way that made her feel safe - safe enough to acknowledge her vulnerabilities while simultaneously learning how to open up and feel more secure in their relationship.  

What’s your style?


1. Anxious.


A person with an anxious attachment will feel insecure about their partner’s feelings and feel unsafe in the relationship. They become clingy and demanding. Because anxious people bond quickly, they don't take the time to assess if their partner can meet their needs. They jump right in! They tend to see the 'we' and what they share in common, idealize their partner, and overlook potential issues. If their partner acts independent, they will interpret this as they are leaving and affirm their fears. For example, if their partner is interacting with other people, they might interpret this as ‘they don’t love me.’ They are anxious about the relationship, where it is, where it is going. Because relationships have some uncertainty about them, this often gets interpreted as unstable, which encourages more anxiety in the anxious person. 

2. Anxious/preoccupied.


A person with this type of attachment will feel that, in order to get their needs met, they will have to be with that person all the time for the sake of reassurance. To support this theory, they actually choose a person who is isolated and hard to be with, which only reinforces  their belief. They often feel ‘desperate in relationships and have an ‘emotional hunger’ (Firestone). They look to their partner to rescue or complete them (Firestone). Their sense of safety is through clinging to their partner.

3. Dismissive/Avoidant.


A person with this type of attachment style is dismissive and distant. They appear emotionally detached. They feel the way to get your needs met is to act as though you don’t have any needs. A person with this style will choose a partner who is more demanding or possessive. People with this style tend to lead inward lives; they deny the importance of connection, of others, can easily detach and shut down emotionally (Firestone).

4. Fearful Avoidant.

A person with this attachment style lives in a place of ambivalence – unsure and afraid of being too close or too distant from others. They try and keep their feelings at bay, but this ultimately becomes too arduous. Because they are unable to avoid their anxiety or run from their feelings, they are emotionally overwhelmed and experience emotional storms. They often live in an ambivalent state in which they are afraid of being too close to
or too distant from others. They attempt to keep their feelings at bay but are unable to. Their relationships are rocky or dramatic. They have fears of abandonment, but also with being intimate (Firestone).

5. Secure.


When a person has a secure attachment style, they are confident and are able to navigate and interact with others. They are can meet their own needs as well as others. Parents understand what a baby needs and are able to provide it. They are highly attuned to their needs. They are more satisfied in their relationships and feel secure and connected. They can move more freely in relationships. Secure people are able to reassure their partners and provide support in times of distress and can equally go to their partner when they feel distressed.

How to change your from anxious or avoidant to secure..
 

  1. Learn how to express and honor your emotional needs. What are your emotional needs?
  2. Identify triggers that reinforce your attachment style. What are your triggers? Where do they stem from? What could you do differently to overcome and work through your triggers?
  3. Look for relationship patterns. Based on your style, what type of people do you seek out? Is there a pattern? What could be a different direction to take with relationships? Do you take time off from relationships to examine what went wrong and your contribution?
  4. Practice acceptance of self and your style. Accepting how we feel, without judgment, gets us to a better place, faster.
  5. Learn to react less and resolve more conflict. Look at the element of compromise. How do you react? What place do you come from when you react the way you do? What are the feelings that arise from your reactions?
  6. Learn to be assertive and use your voice. What are your needs, your values? What makes you feel unsafe? How can you communicate with your partner in a safe way to get your needs met but also honor theirs as well.
  7. Seek out therapy to learn how to become more secure and find those people who are capable of a secure attachment. Even if you are more anxious or avoidant, but finding a partner that is more secure, you will also learn how to become more secure. A good therapist can also help you make changes on your own, make internal changes, that will ultimately change how you respond in a new relationship.
Dr. Kristin Davin
Relationships
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Kristin M. Davin, Psy.D. has been in private practice since 2005. She specializes in pre-marital relationships, marriage/relationship counseling, separation and divorce, and d ... Click for full bio

Rosie the Robot, Amazon, and the Future of RAAI

Rosie the Robot, Amazon, and the Future of RAAI

Written by: Travis Briggs, CEO at ROBO Global US

It’s tough to find a kid out there who hasn’t dreamed about robots. Long before artificial intelligence existed in the real world, the idea of a non-human entity that could act and think like a human has been rooted in our imaginations. According to Greek legends, Cadmus turned dragon teeth into soldiers, Hephaestus fabricated tables that could “walk” on their own three legs, and Talos, perhaps the original “Tin Man,” defended Crete. Of course, in our own times, modern storytellers have added hundreds of new examples to the mix. Many of us grew up watching Rosie the Robot on The Jetsons. As we got older, the stories got more sophisticated. “Hal” in 2001: A Space Odyssey was soon followed by R2-D2 and C-3PO in the original Star Wars trilogy. RoboCop, Interstellar, and Ex Machina are just a few of the recent additions to the list.

Maybe it’s because these stories are such a part of our culture that few people realize just how far robotics has advanced today—and that artificial intelligence is anything but a futuristic fantasy. Ask anyone outside the industry how modern-day robots and artificial intelligence (AI) are used in the real world, and the answers are usually pretty generic. Surgical robots. Self-driving cars. Amazon’s Alexa. What remains a mystery to most is the immense and fast-growing role the combination of robotics automation and artificial intelligence, or RAAI (pronounced “ray”), plays in nearly every aspect of our everyday lives.

Today, shopping online is something most of us take for granted, and yet eCommerce is still in its relative infancy. Despite double-digit growth in the past four years, only 8% of total retail spending is currently done online. That number is growing every day. Business headlines in July announced that Amazon was on a hiring spree to add another 50K fulfillment employees to its already massive workforce. While that certainly reflects the shift from brick-and-mortar to web-based retail, it doesn’t even begin to tell the story of what this growth means for the technology and application firms that deliver the RAAI tools required to support the momentum of eCommerce. In 2017, only 5% of the warehouses that fuel eCommerce are even partially automated. This means that to keep up with demand, the application of RAAI will have to accelerate—and fast. In fact, RAAI is a key driver of success for top e-retailers like Amazon, Apple, and Wal-Mart as they strive to meet the explosion in online sales.

From an investor’s perspective, this fast-growing demand for robotics, automation and artificial intelligence is a promising opportunity—especially in logistics automation that includes the tools and technologies that drive efficiencies across complex retail supply chains. Considering the fact that four of the top ten supply chain automation players were acquired in the past three years, it’s clear that the industry is transforming rapidly. Amazon’s introduction of Prime delivery (which itself requires incredibly sophisticated logistics operations) was only made possible by its 2012 acquisition of Kiva Systems, the pioneer of autonomous mobile robots for warehouses and supply chains. Amazon recently upped the ante yet again with its recent acquisition of Whole Foods Market, which not only adds 450 warehouses to its immense logistics network, but is also expected to be a game-changer for the online grocery retail industry.

Clearly Amazon isn’t the only major driver of innovation in logistics automation. It’s just the largest, at least for the moment. It’s no wonder that many RAAI companies have outperformed the S&P500 in the past three years. And while some investors have worried that the RAAI movement is at risk of creating its own tech bubble, the growth of eCommerce is showing no signs of reaching a peak. In fact, if the online retail industry comes even close to achieving the growth predicted—of doubling to an amazing $4 trillion by 2020—it’s likely that logistics automation is still in the early stages of adoption. For best-of-breed players in every area of logistics automation, from equipment, software, and services to supply chain automation technology providers, the potential for growth is tremendous.

How can investors take advantage of the growth in robotics, automation, and artificial intelligence?


One simple way to track the performance of these markets is through the ROBO Global Robotics & Automation Index. The logistics subsector currently accounts for around 9% of the index and is the best performing subsector since its inception. The index includes leading players in every area of RAAI, including material handling systems, automated storage and retrieval systems, enterprise asset intelligence, and supply chain management software across a wide range of geographies and market capitalizations. Our index is research based and we apply quality filters to identify the best high growth companies that enable this infrastructure and technology that is driving the revolution in the retail and distribution world.

When I was a kid, I may have dreamed of having a Rosie the Robot of my own to help do my chores, but I certainly had no idea how her 21st century successors would revolutionize how we shop, where we shop, and even how we receive what we buy - often via delivery to our doorstep on the very same day. Of course, the use of RAAI is by no means limited to eCommerce. It’s driving transformative change in nearly every industry. But when it comes to enabling the logistics automation required to support a level of growth rarely seen in any industry, RAAI has a lot of legs to stand on—even if those “legs” are anything but human.

To learn more, download A Look Into Logistics Automation, our July 2017 whitepaper on the evolution and opportunity of logistics automation.


The ROBO Global® Robotics and Automation Index and the ROBO Global® Robotics and Automation UCITS Index (the “Indices”) are the property of ROBO who have contracted with Solactive AG to calculate and maintain the Indices. Past performance of an index is not a guarantee of future results. It is not intended that anything stated above should be construed as an offer or invitation to buy or sell any investment in any Investment Fund or other investment vehicle referred to in this website, or for potential investors to engage in any investment activity.
ROBO Global
Robotics and AI
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ROBO Global LLC is the creator of the ROBO Global® Robotics and Automation Index series, which provides comprehensive, transparent and diversified benchmarks representing the ... Click for full bio