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Yom Kippur, Forgiveness, and the Joy of Letting Go

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Yom Kippur, Forgiveness, and the Joy of Letting Go

As I write this, the sun is setting, Yom Kippur is about to begin, and I’m struck by the sheer joy ofletting go. Forgiveness and self-compassion are powerful things, and it seems there’s been so much negativity in the world lately—particularly around the upcoming election—that it feels wonderful to be wrapped in a greater sense of peace.

I’ve been seeking a lot of that lately. I mentioned in my last blog that I’ve joined a Sangha meditation group that meets on Tuesday nights, so I’ll miss that tonight as I celebrate Yom Kippur. I just received this note from the woman who leads the group:

We will miss you tonight in our meditation group, but I wanted to extend to you the wish that you receive the forgiveness that is in your heart as sunset arrives. You and I spoke about the meaning of Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur when we met last. Meeting a New Year with atonement for the faults of the past year is both a cathartic and compassionate practice.

Her words mean a lot to me for two reasons. First, sharing my Jewish beliefs with her made me realize how all faiths share the same sentiment. Judaism has created a ritual of forgiveness in the Days of Atonement. The Christian faith includes a personal, forgiving relationship with God. And Buddhism’s ideas of Zen and Karma are rooted in the same idea: that we must love ourselves first before we can expand that love to others.

As a financial advisor, I’ve found that I have to take this idea very much to heart—especially before sitting down with a client. Not only do I have to be at peace with myself to provide the best possible care and service to the person in front of me, but I also have to be at peace with the world around me—including the financial market. That peace of heart and mind allows me, and hopefully my clients as well, to rest emotionally. And I believe this is the only way to make wise decisions about money, investing and, ultimately, life.

Back in August, I read Carl Richards’ New York Times blog titled The Cost of Holding On. It opens with this story from Jon Muth’s book “Zen Shorts”:

Two traveling monks reached a town where there was a young woman waiting to step out of her sedan chair. The rains had made deep puddles and she couldn’t step across without spoiling her silken robes. She stood there, looking very cross and impatient. She was scolding her attendants. They had nowhere to place the packages they held for her, so they couldn’t help her across the puddle.

The younger monk noticed the woman, said nothing, and walked by. The older monk quickly picked her up and put her on his back, transported her across the water, and put her down on the other side. She didn’t thank the older monk; she just shoved him out of the way and departed.

As they continued on their way, the young monk was brooding and preoccupied. After several hours, unable to hold his silence, he spoke out. “That woman back there was very selfish and rude, but you picked her up on your back and carried her! Then, she didn’t even thank you!”

“I set the woman down hours ago,” the older monk replied. “Why are you still carrying her?”

How many of us spend our energy and precious resources carrying around problems from the past? And how often does that impact the decisions we make moving forward? We’ve all seen it in our own lives. A friend who is afraid to love again after a nasty divorce. A colleague who pulled out of the market and lost his savings during the recession and is too scared to invest again. Another who can’t forgive an adult child and is ripping her family apart at the seams. All because they’re carrying on to old pains, old fears, and old burdens.

We’re all human, which means we all have faults. Yom Kippur—whether you’re Jewish or not—is a perfect time to accept our humanity, accept our faults, and forgive ourselves as well as others. We may always be thinking about the past and the future, but by making a choice to live in the moment as much as possible, I hope we can all find joy in letting go.

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