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T’was an RIA’s Night Before Christmas

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T’was the day before Christmas, the world was at play,

But I sat at my desk, there’s no getting away.

My clients might need me, it sounds like a boast

But if I’m out drinking, the relationship’s toast.

The holiday’s close, so I let the staff go.

I held down the fort, then it started to snow.

I heard a door open. Feet started to patter.

I glanced in the hall, to see what’s that matter.

So what was the storm, now sending my way?

My pessimistic client, to ruin my day.

He said “The weather’s bad. Worst I remember.

Snow’s falling faster than the DOW in December.

I offered a seat, poured hot coffee too.

You have braved the weather, how can I help you?

I want to sell everything, I’m bailing out now.

The market is tanking have you seen the DOW?

It’s your money, I said, you can do as you please,

But just indulge me, what’s all this unease?

I’m worried about China, and that’s just a start.

A trade war will empty the shelves at Wal-Mart

I hear what you’re saying, I know how you feel,

But I think two great powers can strike up a deal.

But what about Brexit, it’s a problem I see,

The Irish border is a puzzle to me.

I said: “They’ll solve this problem by the end of the day,

Just be thankful, you are not Theresa May.

Oil prices are falling, they’ve been in a slump.

Prices are way down, I’ve seen at the pump.

You amaze me I said, as I sit and I hear,

Your complaint was high prices, at the end of last year.

Well, you’re my R – I – A and I heed your advice,

But what about Washington, they’re not playing nice.

Well, the climate so far, is pro-business I see,

If that continues, that’s good news to me.

My taxes are rising, yes that is a fact.

I’m not pleased at all, with our new tax act.

As your advisor I say, the picture’s quite big,

If overseas cash comes back, then I’ll dance a jig.

Interest rates are rising, the Fed is at fault,

I’m hope in two oh one nine, it comes to a halt.

They take the job seriously, they man a station.

Their primary job: Keep a lid on inflation.

You’re changing my mind, but you’re not there just yet,

Back to the stock market, it’s not a sure bet.

I pulled out a chart, see the returns have been fine,

But for fifty years, it’s not been a straight line.

Out came another, the tapestry chart.

Different market segments, they all play a part.

He eased back in his chair, he nodded his head,

You’re quite compelling, I heard what you said.

I’ll take your advice, this time I won’t bail,

I bet next you’ll tell me, the markets on sale.

Well, I’ll tell you this: I believe in our nation,

Now you must focus on asset allocation.

You can’t be all stocks, then whine when they’re down.

Get more bonds and cash, then we’ll go to town.

He agreed to rebalance in the New Year,

And left my office, without doubt or fear.

I turned off my terminal, I switched off the light.

And bid the empty office, a hearty good night.

The market is closed, that was my last call.

Time to head home, Merry Christmas to all.

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