Resentment at work can take on many forms. It can also manifest in different ways and leave you feeling despondent and disengaged. One example is getting passed over for a promotion. What you do with those feelings is key to moving forward.We asked members of Forbes Coaches Council what to do when receiving disappointing news that leads to resentment. It centers on being kind to yourself and taking action to improve the chances of a different and more positive outcome next time. 1. Make A Game Plan If you want a promotion or recognition, that falls on you and you alone. Shift negative feelings by creating a game plan that keeps you focused and driven toward goals. Break down larger actions into smaller steps and assign a timeline to each. Just as Langston Hughes said, "The only way to get a thing done is to start to do it, then keep on doing it, and finally you'll finish it." - Adrienne Tom , Career Impressions 2. Practice Self-Mastery There is so much to be learned from every experience, especially those in which we feel we are undervalued. It's an opportunity to engage in self-questioning to expand self-awareness. "Did I really contribute that much?" "Did I really have more to offer than Joe did?" Have a healthy self-dialogue with regards to your non-negotiables, deep needs and boundaries. This can also be about maturity. Not everything is perfect every time; acceptance is part of the dynamics of the adult world. - Agata Dulnik, Ph.D. , Global Leadership Experts 3. Learn The Lesson Learn from the perceived spite and let it inform you about your next steps. Is there a new skill that you need to really earn the position in the future? Is this culture/place not the right fit? Is there a different place in the organization that will serve you better? By asking the right questions, you can determine the best path forward. - Monica Thakrar , MTI 4. Seek Guidance From A Mentor Getting passed over for a promotion can be demoralizing. However, it's important to step back from the situation and assess it for what it is: an opportunity for growth. Find a trusted mentor within the company and one outside of the company to give you feedback on ways to improve your personal brand at work. Begin by asking for critical feedback on any areas you may be struggling with. - Lori Manns , Quality Media Consultant Group 5. Communicate Your Way To Your Goal One key way to set up yourself up to succeed is to communicate clearly by setting expectations with your boss through both speaking and listening. Your supervisor doesn't read minds. He/she may not know all you're doing nor understand what's important to you and vice versa. Ask questions about what you can do to obtain your goal and increase the probability of receiving one. - Maria Lena Popo , AMP10x 6. Acknowledge What Happened We all feel the gut punch of disappointment in these moments. The best thing to do is schedule time with your spouse, boss or manager, and share how you feel tactfully. Don't focus on emotions when sharing. Focus on how it makes you feel and why it hurt you. If you carry the feeling without communication, it begins to fester and make you disengage. Get honest out loud. - Christopher Williams , High Level Wisdom for New Generation Leaders 7. Hit Pause Our need-for-speed life leaves little to no time for processing emotions and experiences. We call them feelings, yet we don't take time to feel them. If getting "passed over" for a promotion (notice the finger pointing) left you with a strong emotion, take responsibility, journal about it with pen and paper for a total of 30 minutes over three different days, and get insight on what actually happened. - Derrick Bass, Jr. , Clarity Provoked 8. Stop Comparing Yourself To Others Trace back to where this feeling is coming from. Often, it starts with comparing where you are compared to where other colleagues are in the career track. While benchmarking can be an important tool, it can have emotional consequences that are either a wake-up call or get in the way of progress. It's important to remember you don't always have the full picture. Take the time to figure out the truth. - Larry Boyer , Success Rockets LLC 9. Mitigate Resentment With Action To navigate the human emotion of resentment, first acknowledge that life is not always fair. After you feel the sting of that truth, get curious. Ask questions of colleagues and yourself to gain perspective. Was this slight due to politics? Lack of skill set? Your failure to leverage your network? With these facts, you can take action in the future. Action mitigates resentment. - Deborah Goldstein , DRIVEN Professionals Related: Life’s Curveballs, Self-Regulation and Finding Perspective 10. Know Better Things Are Coming There will obviously be disappointments in life and business. What helps me is to assume that good things are always coming my way. If it's not this client, promotion or opportunity, it's the next one. This mindset allows you to not become overly attached. With the pressure off, you can do your best work. - Amanda Frances , Amanda Frances Inc 11. Remember Your Value Oftentimes, when an opportunity doesn’t happen when we’d like, it could be due to two things: timing or fit. In the case of timing, a delay could mean that an opportunity is being developed that matches what you bring to the table. As it relates to fit, it could mean that the value you offer may not be what the organization is looking for or can handle at that time. Validate yourself. - LaKisha Greenwade , Lucki Fit LLC 12. Be Self-Aware When things don't go your way, it is easy to blame others, but rarely do we stop and examine what we could have done differently. Take the time to ask for 360 feedback from your peers, managers and those who report to you. With these insights at hand, it becomes easier to identify what you could have done differently. Focusing on making improvements will help you to overcome disappointment. - Victoria Canham , Ahead Together Ltd 13. Let It Go Resentment may be the most dangerous emotion we ever face. Not only can it lead to bitterness, it also can make us vengeful, withdrawn and apathetic towards our jobs or coworkers. In the end, the only person who loses is us. When faced with disappointment, I intentionally decide to process it, then let it go. Unfortunately, it's not a one-time decision. We have to be willing to let it go daily. - L. Lavon Gray, Ph.D. , Lavon Gray Consulting Group 14. Cultivate Gratitude Disappointments of even a small size can chip away at our resilience and open us up to bitterness and resentment. The best antidote I've found is taking a period of time during the day to cultivate gratitude, whether through journaling, meditation, or some other means. This practice helps put the disappointment in perspective and also assists in developing a better response than resentment. - Billy Williams , Archegos 15. Advocate For Yourself First, don't harbor resentment. It turns into our "hot buttons" and "triggers." Speculate on what information you don't have that would make the decision reasonable. Consider what aspects of the decision were in your control and correct for it. Determine if this is a one-time disappointment or a pattern. Seek input from others. Ultimately, advocating for yourself has a lifetime value. - Dr. Stacy Feiner , Feiner Consulting LLC POST WRITTEN BY: Forbes Coaches Council; Top business and career coaches from Forbes Coaches Council offer firsthand insights on leadership development & careers.
